Tom and Mary’s Undies Soil Test: A Hilarious Journey into Microbial Health
Tom and Mary were the kind of people who took soil health as seriously as they took their garlic patch—which is to say, not very seriously, until it was time to expand their garden - project. That’s when they stumbled upon an article in The Big Favorite (an actual brand of underwear—yes, it’s a thing), announcing the launch of the “Soil Your Undies” campaign. The concept was simple: bury a pair of 100% cotton underpants, wait 60 days, dig them up, and see how decomposed they were. The more decomposed, the healthier your soil was. Tom, was the skeptic, and squinted at the screen. “This is either the greatest agricultural experiment of all time, or we’re about to get arrested for indecent exposure in our own backyard.”
Mary, on the other hand, was already on board. “Tom, it’s science! You bury underwear to see how healthy your soil is! I’m practically a soil scientist now!” And thus, without further thought, they launched their backyard microbial research project.
The night before the big burial, they each picked out a pair of their oldest, most worn-out cotton underwear—no one was going to waste their good stuff on this experiment. Tom found a pair with holes in places that would make even a seasoned gardener blush. Mary’s were a little more... well, fragrant, but that was just the spice of life.
The next morning, armed with a shovel and their “test subjects,” they ventured out to their garlic patch. “You sure this is how the professionals do it?” Tom asked, his shovel poised above the soil. Mary held up her underwear like it was a sacred relic. “Of course! Look at the article—this is groundbreaking stuff!” she said, grinning as she prepared to lower the underwear into the ground.
They dug a hole about a foot deep (approximately the depth of Tom's ability to really think things through), and in went the undies—his pair, with a bit of reluctant flair, and hers, making an impression that no soil, no matter how healthy, would forget. They patted the soil back down. “Now we wait,” Mary said, dusting her hands off.
Days passed. Weeks passed. The garlic was doing great, and Tom and Mary were doing… well, other things, like arguing over whether the neighbors were judging them for the “undie burial plot.” They also started taking bets on what would happen when they dug the undies up. Would they be crispy relics of a bygone era? Or would they be reduced to a pile of decomposed... science?
Sixty days later, it was time to dig. The moment had arrived. With all the seriousness of archaeologists unearthing a lost civilization, they grabbed their shovels and began to dig, sending excited looks toward each other. “Here we go,” Tom said, grinning like a kid with a new toy. The soil parted, and they pulled out the first pair of undies—Tom’s. They were still mostly intact, though suspiciously more elastic than cotton now. It looked like they’d been through a rough fight with the soil microbes but hadn’t quite surrendered.
“Not bad!” Mary said, holding up Tom's undies like she was inspecting a fossil. "Look, they’ve lost a little bit of their structure. That’s good! It means the microbes are working.” She paused. “Sort of.”
Now it was time for Mary’s. They unearthed her undies and, well, it was a spectacle. There was nothing left of the cotton, except for a few suspicious threads, some squishy bits, and a faint smell that Tom wouldn’t call fragrant, but more like a compost heap after a rainstorm. “Mary,” Tom said, trying not to laugh, “I think the microbes had a feast.”
Mary stared at her ruined undies, shocked. “I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing,” she muttered, inspecting the threadbare remnants. “Did I just create a microbial buffet for the neighborhood?”
“Well, we learned something,” Tom said, wiping tears from his eyes from laughing so hard. “Soil health is like... a smorgasbord of bacteria that don’t care about fashion.” He poked at the squishy remnants. “If this soil could talk, it would be saying, ‘Mmmm, delicious!’”
The moral of the story? Well, it wasn’t entirely clear. But what Tom and Mary did learn is that soil health is an ongoing experiment—and sometimes, it involves underwear, microbes, and a whole lot of laughs. As for the garlic? It thrived, of course. As for the undies? They may never be the same, but at least their soil was better for it.
And so, they buried a second pair.
How is your soil health? Find out by burying a pair of underwear.
To educate the public about soil health, the Pennsylvania Soil Health Coalition and other soil health experts have teamed up with clothing brand The Big Favorite to launch Soil Your Undies, a campaign that challenges people to get to know their backyard microbes by planting their undies. Anyone with a farm field, backyard garden, or lawn can join in the fun. All it takes is a pair of 100% cotton underpants, a shovel, and a quest for knowledge. Once the undies are buried, the microbes in the soil, hopefully, will get to work. After 60 days or so, panty planters dig up their undies to reveal the level of decomposition. The more the underwear decomposes, the healthier the soils are! All who take the challenge can then determine how to improve soil quality.
Read More Here: https://stroudcenter.org/news/cotton-undies-dish-the-dirt-on-soil/
Farmers used to test the quality of their soil by burying a pair of underpants in the ground and seeing
how quickly they rotted.
"The idea being that the more healthy micro-organisms there are in the ground, such as bacteria and fungi, the faster the fabric would be eaten away. Bury the underwear now and they may well be dug up the following year in pristine condition. That's because, according to experts, more than half of the world's agricultural soil is already degraded and lacking in microorganisms. In India, soil degradation is one of the factors, alongside debt, that is said to have led to the shocking statistic of nearly 30 people in the farming sector taking their own lives, on average, every day. To try to improve matters, a popular Indian guru called Sadhguru is continuing to lead a global campaign called SaveSoil, which pushes to improve soil health around the world. He is calling for farmers to be given incentives, such as financial support, to keep a minimum of 3% of organic content in their soil." -By Jane Wakefield
Read More Here: https://www.bbc.com/news/business-63283986
In another study: https://stroudcenter.org/news/cotton-undies-dish-the-dirt-on-soil/
GroEat Garlic Farm is Located in Bozeman, Montana. They grow hardneck garlic for planting and for cooking and culinary. www.GROeat.com
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